Learning How To Think “Unsanely”

Reality on Earth is many things, and is not always the same for all people as one would think it would have to be if there was nothing beyond reality.

Can there be such a thing, a philosophy for all living beings? I mean, come on now, from amoebas and viruses and bacteria to humans and elephants and whales, and who knows what kinds of living beings might exist on other worlds, or other planes of existence, can any one person speak for every other living being? That would be impossible, wouldn’t it? And incredibly egotistical! What could possess a person, any person, to make such a claim? He or she would have to be insane, right? Just trying to think of the immensity of the numbers of living beings here on Earth, the trillions of billions of millions of living beings alive right now is beyond human comprehension, and if you throw in the beings that might be alive on even one other planet somewhere in the universe, that would be doubly impossible to comprehend, so, yeah, insane is a good word that comes immediately to mind. But I, the person trying to write this insane philosophy, have a different word to describe how I feel making such a claim, and that word is unsane, or, beyond sanity.

Sanity is a condition of life that locks us inside a universal (or should I say, at this time, planet-wide?) shared concept of what reality is. Insanity, in its turn, appears to mean something like unable to live in that shared reality sane people exist in. But unsanity, as I use it, means able to go beyond the shared planet-wide concept of reality without losing that concept of reality. “I feel like I am unsane because I can see through the veil of reality while still being able to live in that shared reality without making other people think I am insane, or unable to cope with that reality in some way. As I see myself, and the reality around me, I am not locked into that reality, but able to transcend it whenever I see or feel the need. Therefore I am more than sane, I am unsane.”

[So, if you can live with that definition, whether or not you can fully understand it, or even accept it, we can move on from here. Otherwise, I think anyone who cannot live with my definition of unsanity will think me insane, and therefore find little value in the philosophy of all living beings, because it probably will not fit into their (or your) vision of sanity, and the reality in which they (you) live.]

To continue, I did not start out to discover a philosophy for all living beings, because to even have had that concept before I stumbled onto it would have been insane, even to me. All I was looking for was something I could live with, a thought or idea or maybe even a purpose about my life, or for my life. You might say I was adrift in a sea of concepts all handed down to me from the people who I thought understood the world into which I had been born. Yes, I believed what I was told, for maybe the first 10 years of my life.

I cannot say exactly what started me thinking that the authorities on life didn’t have any better clue of what life was all about than I did, but probably it was knocked into me by a physically abusive father who was determined to knock all my weird ideas out of me. He, nor anyone else, was able to answer the questions I was starting to ask, so he somehow decided that he could beat me into sanity, which was actually the worst thing anyone could have done. Instead of beating reality into me, he made me want another reality all the more, a reality where I was safe from being beaten… (I gave myself that safe reality as a 16th birthday present. I had run away from home in an attempt to find safety before that day, but this was an era when there was no legal policy to stop a parent from abusing a child, so the police always took me back to my father despite me telling them he was probably going to beat me to death one day. You can guess what this made me think of the police force, but that is another matter. There was, however, one cop who told me one day, wait till you are 16 and you can legally escape from him, and my mantra (a verbal statement that inspires its speaker) became “Only xxx more days till freedom,” and I counted down the days till I turned 16.) None of this, of course, is important to this work, but I thought you might like to know how my life started, and how I became so determined to find something that was different from the insane reality that was destroying me.


Reality on Earth is many things, and is not always the same for all people as one would think it would have to be if there was nothing beyond reality.


That thought was the first clue I had to realizing that there might be something different from what I was being told reality was. So this is where I really started my search…

To be continued…

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I am going to start by saying I do hope my vision of spirituality matters to someone besides me, but not in the way that might sound at first read.  By the end of this post you will hear me say it absolutely does not matter if my vision of spirituality matters to anyone else, so I hope I can make clear what it is I am trying to say. First, I am not talking about my exact vision of spirituality, that is pretty specialized to my own experience and understanding, but what I am talking about is the principle underlying that vision, the general outline of what it is I believe…

I was brought up to believe in christ, nation,  and money, but none of that ever really sat right in my gut, my heart, or my mind. It took a little time, a nudge from a stranger or two, and a couple of spiritual crises, but I finally realized what was so problematic for me: “nothing of what I believed came from inside of me.” None of it! Everything came from outside of me–all the authority figures in my early life told me what to believe, and that bothered me. It may not bother anyone else, but I was a bit of a loner when it came to what really mattered in life, in my life. I purposely started questioning everything I had been told to believe, to see if it agreed with what I was feeling inside of me, and what I was experiencing in my life. I’ve said it all in other places, other blogs, other websites, so I’m not going to go into it here, but for anyone interested you’ll probably find the basis for most of my beliefs at LiveReal.com. It’s actually been a while since I was very active on that site, so please don’t take anything as written in stone, but that is where I wrote down what I was finding inside me some twenty years ago.  The man I am now can definitely be seen in the person writing on LiveReal.

But I guess what I am really trying to say, if you are unsatisfied with your present belief system, no matter what it is, try doing as I did. Question absolutely everything!  And then look inside yourself to learn how to replace whatever it is you decided to throw away. Or just throw it away and not replace any of it, if that is what your gut tells you to do. Certainly please do not replace it with anything anyone else has said, especially me. But whatever you decide, please look for “your” answers inside “yourself.” Who else can you trust to be honest with you, if not your self. Inside myself is where I found my vision of spirituality. And I did not even know I was  looking for it. Yeah, I knew I was looking for something, but I had no inkling it would take me so far away from where I had begun. And that is why my spirituality means so much to me now, why no belief system from outside me can ever take hold of my mind again. This is me. What I write is me. And the possibility it comes quite close to beliefs other people hold actually has no effect on me. I’m not looking to find strength in numbers. Those people I encounter who believe similarly to me are important as friends, indeed, but I do not need anyone to reinforce my belief system for me.

So, going back to that belief system,  the vision I have of spirituality, does it really matter if it doesn’t matter to anyone else? The answer is a harsh answer, “No!”, but I cannot apologize for that. Reality for me is, what I believe is what “I” believe, the inner me, the essence of me–dare I say it, the spirit that is me. I cannot believe for anyone else, that is their (your) task or purpose in life. Even if you believe in nothing at all, that is your choice. But here the waters get muddied, because it is me wanting you to have your own beliefs. When I say, “Believe what you find in your own spirit, your essence, your inner “you!” am I not telling you what I think you should do? I am, but please believe me, I do it with the greatest concern for you, the real you. Why do I do this?  Because I want you to discover what is best for you, not what is best for me–or anyone else…

There are times I look at the world around me, and what I see are people who seem to have been brainwashed to believe they cannot think for themselves, that they are not smart enough to have their own understanding of life and any purpose life might have. Then I look at myself, and I see what I have accomplished in my life, and I think,  I’m not special compared to anyone else, so if I can do this, why can’t everyone else? Yes, I got a couple of unexpected nudges along the way, nudges that I did not understand would mean learning to believe in myself, but that ultimately came to mean exactly that. So, please do not consider what I say to be a directive, or command,  but simply a friendly nudge. And, well, maybe a whole lot of inspiration… If rawgod could do that, so can I, meaning you. And if it helps, know that I believe you can  discover your own truth for itself… For “YOURSELF,” and for your “SELF!” Above all, don’t let anyone else, including me, say to you, “You are wrong.” How can anyone be wrong, as long as their truth, your truth, is theirs,  or yours, just like my truth is MINE!

And that is why the harsh answer, “No!”, is the only answer I can give to my own question, Does it really matter if my vision of spirituality matters to anyone else? That negative answer is the most positive, life-affirming, YOU-affirming answer I know how to give. I can only hope you take it as I intend it…


The Art of Dying, in Memory of George Harrison

Death is a portal, a very important one. I happen to believe in reincarnation, not because anyone told me to believe in reincarnation, but because it makes more “spiritual” sense than does not believing in it. Everything I, who started out life as a christian, have ever experienced points towards the reality of reincarnation, and the evolution of the spirit through a series of incarnations. So when I say “death” is a very important portal into another dimension of existence, I am speaking what I see as a universal truth, with myself as my universe. And why is death so important? Death is important because it usually leads to yet another birth, and a new period of learning.
How I went from being a christian to being a firm believer in reincarnation I have told in previous blogs, so I will not tell the whole story here. But two experiences that were so similar as to be two sides of the same coin, or two consecutive cars in a train of cars, I will never forget. The first experience, I went through a wormhole that took me to the place dead spirits go. About ten days or so later I went through another wormhole, and ended up in the exact same place. This spoke to my “scientific mind” because I proved that the process was repeatable–once is an anomaly, twice is proof. Therefore, on the face of it, the place of dead spirits does exist, and the peculiar thing about this place is that it is the very same place from which come the spirits of the about-to-be-born. It is simultaneously a repository of life and a fountain of life. You cannot have one without the other.

One important lesson I took from those visits was that being prepared for death can make a difference in what happens next. Time does not exist on this plane, not as we know it here on Earth, but nor do things happen instantaneously either. If one is not prepared for their death, what I call the crossing of the “veil of death” for want of a better descriptor, there is still the need to heal before the veil is recrossed in the opposite direction. When we die, we actually go back to the same place we were before we were last born. And how we lived our last life CAN AND WILL EFFECT how we will live our next life.
All I am really saying is reincarnation starts and stops in the same non-place as long as you remain involved in human time/space. I should know, I (that is my spiritual-I, not my ego-I) have been resident here in this dimension for some 3 billion years or so. And when I started here, lifetimes lasted a few seconds at most. I’d really hate to have to count how many incarnations I have gone through in those 3 billion years. I say this not to brag, but only to show I have some experience at this thing we call life, in the process we call death, and I am getting to the point I am bringing the learning from past lives with me into the present life. However, while I am here, even with that learning, I am still mostly cut off from that place that was/will be. Under “historic circumstances,” life on the spiritual plane stays separate from life here on the “physical plane.” Until this incarnation I never knew while here that there even was a spiritual plane that acted as my base for the time between lives. The pain of birth, when we are born, is generated partly by the physical separation of baby from mother, but even moreso from the separation of physicality from spirituality. Oh, we are still spiritual beings, and can sense spiritual feelings, but we generally cannot experience true spirituality as long as we are alive on the physical plane. Unless we can discover a wormhole, or other such connector between physical life and true spiritual life, we live in the country of the blind.

My friend, Sha’Tara, recently said something very important to me, “Death isn’t a state, it’s an event, a passage, a transition. By using out-of-body techniques we can learn to experience death[-like experiences] until it becomes something you’re good at and ready to do. A bit like driver training. Eventually you get your license and you’re on the wide open road again… The physical pain, the stoppage of breath, the necessary sudden detachments, these can be problematical for those inexperienced in death. Ask a passenger in coach to take over the controls of a Boeing 727 who’s never been in a pilot seat before, that’s death without proper preparation. To die properly and with dignity requires training. Contemplation of death, seems to me, is a vital exercise to accompany one’s life. Like remembering, or knowing, where the exits are and where one left the car while watching the movie.”

It is possible to prepare for death. Sha’Tara has given her method above. My method is quite different, but both methods end up in the same place. For myself, I asked this question,”Who do I want to be when my time comes to depart this world? I was 19 the first time I asked myself this question, and I’m not really sure why I asked it at that time. At 19 one feels immortal, and the concept of death is something for old folks, not for someone with their whole life ahead of them. But once I thought about it, I could not unthink it. At the time I was going through my “rethinking religion” phase, not yet an agnostic but moving in that direction. I still believed there was a “god,” and that I had to please that god in order to avoid an eternity of damnation. I just did not believe in a “christian god” anymore–to think that a god could favour one group of people over another did not make sense to me. It went against everything I was told a god should be. And I think it was at this time I also rejected the idea of having “one lifetime” to either succeed or fail; everything I saw around me said that no one could succeed in just one lifetime, my world, if not the world itself, was full of religious hypocrites. No one I met, including preachers or Sunday school teachers, was going to heaven based on what I saw them doing. Other people seemed to selectively ignore certain ideas and actions, but my mind was still absolute, my thinking black and white. What I saw was sin committed after sin committed after sin, everywhere I looked. And this was the person, me, who wanted to know, “What would it take to be truly prepared for death?.”

I started reading everything I could get my hands on, which wasn’t much in the days before the internet. Religions, philosophies, way-out ideas, and ultra-conservative ideas. But the more I read, the more confused I became. Different writers were all trying to say something, but it seemed every writer contradicted at least one other writer on at least one important idea. Nobody could agree with everyone else on almost anything. That was when I learned, the only person I could rely upon for answers was myself. Some people call it soul-searching, other people call it meditation, I personally just called it deep-thinking, going down to levels I did not even know existed. And eventually I got to the level of what I can only call “wormholes,” which were a science fiction invention by which space travellers can go from one place in space to another place in space without having to travel the actual distance between the two places. So, inside my own head, inside my own mind, I discovered a wormhole, and as I told you above, I travelled to a place where generally only dead spirits can go.

Now, here I need to try to describe what is not describable in Earthly language, certainly not in English, which is my Mother tongue. There were not any “spirits” hanging around shooting pool or playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. There was only one spirit, and that spirit contained all other spirits that were not living in the 3rd dimension at that time. Some had just arrived by crossing the veil of death away from the universe, and others were preparing to cross back into the universe. And there were others, ones who had returned to this place in various states of damage. These damaged spirits were being coddled by the others who were about to be born, and those who had returned here undamaged. The largest number of spirits, though, were the damaged. And they could not go anywhere until they were healed, or so it seemed to me at that time.

There were other things about this level of existence that set it apart from all others, things that were mentioned in myths so ancient as to make me doubt my sanity, or that made me think that people were once more connected to this place then than they are now. The “Music of the Spheres,” for one thing. I am not a fan of classical music, it bores me to tears. But in this place, the music sounded classical, yet it brought tears of joy to my spiritual eyes. The colours, and the patterns in the colours, were more than I could stand to hear. I was touching something like electricity, but as a healing force, not a harmful one. My spirit was inundated with beauty beyond concept, and suddenly I was travelling back down the wormhole to my body’s mind.

I cannot describe the feeling of coming back to my body. The relief that I was not dead. The opportunity to still be alive. The loss of the feeling of community with all life. The loss of beauty beyond measure. The knowledge that there is more life in death than in all the life that can be lived before death. I was just so overwhelmed by feelings beyond my capacity to feel, by truths beyond my capacity to know or understand, by the feeling to return where I had been, because that was where the “real I” was, and the “I” I was on Earth was so much less than the “I” I could be in death. Was I wrong to want to come back? Or was I wrong to want to go back?

In the end, when my body and mind had recovered enough, I searched for another wormhole, and hoped it would take me back to where I had been. Why? For a million reasons, of course, but mainly to make sure it was really there. What a disappointment it would be if that place was a construct to entertain my mind! What a tragedy! But I was lucky, because I did return there. And I was unlucky, because I experienced the admonition that I was not there by crossing the veil of death, but by circumventing it. I was somehow dead without dying, and I could be dead, if I so chose, or I could be alive again, but I could never return there until my body died. As is obvious from the fact you are reading these words, I chose life right now, as opposed to a future life in death. And I believe I made the most positive choice for my spirit, because I don’t think I could ever have forgiven myself for leaving a living body behind me, without me to inhabit it. Sir Walter Scott thought lying created a tangled web, but try dying without being dead. I managed to live a surface life for many years after that, but inside my mind was utter turmoil. Nothing made sense. Reality was something I could only dream about.

Yet slowly, slowly, as I began to put it all together, it started to make sense. For years the visions nagged at my mind till finally dots started to be connected that originally had no relation of any kind to each other. I began to understand what I had seen and heard, and what I had sensed in the short periods of adaptation to a timeless continuum. And out of this arose the list of things I realized I needed to do to be able to be ready to die, in the order of how I am writing about them, there is no requirement that is more important than any other:

  1. Relinquish all attachments to this world, no matter what they are
  2. Relinquish all attachments to my body and ego
  3. To realize that my only duty is to life, in all its varieties and levels of being
  1. No ties to the physical world can or will survive death. The only thing that exists on the plane of dead beings is the spirit that contains all the spirits of the “dead” beings. I cannot even guess how this works, because the mind itself only exists in this dimension. Beyond this dimension is only spirit. The more a being is attached to, the more that being needs to heal from those attachments.
  2. I have lived with my body since my birth, and with my ego since shortly thereafter. The longer a person’s life, generally speaking, the stronger the ties to body and ego. However, that said, to progress as a spiritual being is to weaken those ties to body and ego. The buddha said this very thing while contemplating the path to nirvana, but there is no nirvana, or heaven, or firdaus (jannah). There is only life, living, or “dead.”
  3. Duty, undefined, is something that some, possibly most, humans can perceive as real, though there is no reality where duty is more than a concept. I have never felt a duty to anything such as some people do, but of late I have begun to feel a duty to life in many ways that I could never have imagined before. Having taken total responsibility for my own life has given me a duty to be responsible for all life. But when it comes right down to it, IF I have a duty, the only REAL DUTY I have is to my spirit, which translates to a duty to the spirits of all living beings, which translates to a duty to the spirit of life itself. And since that duty will now follow me wherever I go, it is not really a duty at all. That duty is me, the spiritual me, and that duty is the spirit that we commonly call spirituality. So as long as my spirit lives, as long as my spirit has life, wherever I am, I cannot be other than my spirit, nor other than life itself.

If I can do these things, and probably more besides that I cannot think of right now, then I can properly die, cross the veil of death, and reawaken as a whole spirit on the spiritual side of life. So these are the things I aim for without aiming, and strive for without striving. Probably this sounds like goobledygook to you, but I assure you I am not trying to be flippant. To aim or to strive is to attach oneself to the goal at the end of striving. In order to succeed, one can only seek to find…

THE ART OF DYING, as written by George Harrison

There’ll come a time when all of us must leave here
Then nothing sister Mary can do
Will keep me here with you
As nothing in this life that I’ve been trying
Could equal or surpass the art of dying
Do you believe me?

There’ll come a time when all your hopes are fading
When things that seemed so very plain
Become an awful pain
Searching for the truth among the lying
And answered when you’ve learned the art of dying

But you’re still with me
But if you want it
Then you must find it
But when you have it
There’ll be no need for it

There’ll come a time when most of us return here
Brought back by our desire to be
A perfect entity
Living through a million years of crying
Until you’ve realized the Art of Dying
Do you believe me?
George Harrison – Art Of Dying Lyrics | MetroLyrics


To all my dear readers, HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2018 bring you all surprises to ease your troubled minds.

As you know, I have been struggling with trying to give a definitive definition of what I mean when I write about Spirituality. I’ve talked about what it is not, I’ve tried to say what it is, I looked at related things, and now, after quite some time, I think I have finally found the words that can speak for me. My concern is, while they speak for me, will they speak TO YOU?

I could approach this definition two ways, by trying to set the stage to lead you by the nose, or just open the curtains, give the soliloquy, add some editorial material, and wait to hear the questions or concerns you might have. So, hear goes. Curtains up, don’t light the lights. Just me, lounging at a desk, feet up on the desk, holding a microphone as a soft soft light shines down on me, slowly intensifying, but never getting bright. I am just one of the crowd. And I want to be able to look out into the audience…


Good evening, friends. Tonight I’m here to speak about SPIRITUALITY. No ghosts, no wandering spirits, no voodoo, not even a Great Bear to the North. Those things are not germane to what I want to talk about. But before I start, I want you to look around you. As you can see, the seats are nowhere close to even half full, so let’s not care about what seats you paid for, please get up and move as close as you are comfortable being to the stage, and to each other. All that physical reality bullshit is not why we are here. We are here to be together, to be a community. Now that you are settled, introduce yourself to those seat neighbours you don’t already know. Be friendly, tell a white joke or two, smile at someone, ask for or give a hug if you feel like it. Because this is what I call spirituality. We are together, we are sharing an evening, and we have no animosity to each other. The only thing we are missing is our coffins. (nervous laughter ripples across the audience)

You see, true spirituality happens after death, when your ego dies and your freed spirit returns to its pre-birth home. As it travels along what the Tibetan Buddhists call the Silver Cord, the tunnel of energy that connects you to your real being, you look over your whole life, important events, unimportant events, people you forgot you ever knew, places you’ve forgotten you’ve ever been. And things, all kings of things, you cannot remember ever doing, some of them uplifting, some of them outright degrading. But you stay quite unemotional, because it is like you are watching the movie of your life. And that is exactly what you are doing. Every little detail of it, good, bad, and indifferent.

Spirituality as I use the term is the realm of being where living spirits come together to reconnect, yes, reconnect, with other spirits and even themselves. They have been alone so long, while they lived on the physical plane, and on that physical plane they felt little connection to anyone, not real connection. The spirit, shall we say, on Earth (since that is where we are right now), is born alone, lives alone, and dies alone. Think about it, YOU are alone inside your own head right now. Yes, you are sitting here in tonight’s community, sharing this space, breathing the same air, listening to the same words. You are together, safely together, no one here is going to harm you. But inside your head, no one else is there with you. What are you thinking about while you are listening? Are you concentrating so hard that you are shutting out the rest of the world? Or is your mind wandering off on what you are going to do when you leave here tonight, when you leave this little close-knit community?

Oh, don’t worry, I don’t care what is going on inside your heads. Even if you are daydreaming, or questioning why you came here tonight, that’s up to you. Because I know your inner spirit is listening, and it won’t let you forget the words it heard. Maybe in bed tonight, maybe driving down a long shady lane all by yourself a year from now, maybe on your deathbed, these words will come to you again, to your conscious mind, and you will wonder, and you will agree with me, you really are alone on this Earth. No one knows you like you. No one knows all your secrets. No one knows your regrets. No one knows about the time you spit in some asshole’s drink at the bar because you turned them down and they would not take no for an answer. Maybe you even peed into a drink and poured it into their beer. No one knows those things, no one but you…

And nobody but you cares. Not your neighbour. Not your kids. Not your mother. Not your partner, if you have one. Not even me. Because I don’t know your pains, nor do I know your joys. I hope you had some joys up to this point in your life. No one should have to live without joys. Because that hurts the spirit in ways we can never really understand. But the point of this exercise is to let you know, it’s all right. All of it. Whether you did things like I mentioned, or nothing like that. I am not here to judge you. No one is here to judge you. I hope you aren’t here to judge you. Because life is not about judging. Life is about living, learning, and improving who you believe yourself to be. It’s been that way since the first one-celled being floated in the primeval ocean billions of years ago. And just to bring this all back to spirituality, that first one-celled being in that billion-year old ocean is the most important being in your life, in my life, in the lives of every living being on Earth, because we are all related to that first living one-celled being. And through that being, we are all related to each other.

That is the half of spirituality I had not mentioned before. That is why I used the word reconnecting. When there was only one being, that being was us. That being didn’t know that, we never knew that, but, yes, we were all that being. Quite a big load for that one little microscopic-sized being to carry. But it had no problem carrying us all, because we weren’t alive yet. But we were inherent in its being. Every time it split, or divided (the process called mitosis), it created a new life, and it divided many times before it died. And its children created more lives many times before they died. Until it was only a matter of time till living beings filled up the oceans, and had to expand onto land.

But this is not a history lesson, or a lesson on evolution, it is not even a lesson at all. It is a talk, a one-sided talk to be sure, a soliloquy–but just a talk. It is one living being telling a few other living beings about the world I live in every day that I do not die. And a little bit about what I expect to have happen to me after my death.

So why have I brought you here to listen to me speak about spirituality? Why does the definition of spirituality concern me so much?

I concerns me because the Earth will soon be facing big changes, big challenges. And I want to tell you that, for me, at least, it matters that we all encounter a little bit of my type of spirituality. A feeling of reconnection. The feeling that we are all one. Not just humans, but everything. Our planet, even. Our solar system. Our galaxy. Our universe! And every plane of existence in or out of our universe. We may be small, unimportant beings in a universe full of small unimportant beings, but each and every one of us has the potential to affect all time, space, and beyond, because we are all alive. And because we all have eternal spirits within us. We will die. That is, our egos will cease to exist. Whatever group of molecules and atoms and sub-atomic particles that makes us up will cease to be. But there will be something left, something our scientists cannot find, something our pragmatists will never uncover, something that will remain after we are gone. And all those somethings, those are our spirits, and they are all related, and looking for opportunities to reconnect. And I hope that we here tonight have reconnected to at least a small degree, seen ourselves in each other, and that your spirits have been reminded of what they were before you were born, and what they will be after you are put in those coffins I mentioned at the start of this soliloquy.

But, we do not have to wait until we are put into coffins, or cremated, or however we want our bodies to be dealt with after we die. We can reconnect right now. Open up our minds and join together in a common cause, to make sure that when the opportunity arises, and it will arise, that we continue to evolve, and make our world, our universe, a better place to be than it is right now. I am not trying to make you all see my vision, it works for me, but it may not work for you. But, make a vision of some kind, and work towards it. Help others to want to make their own visions. Visions of hope. Visions of love. Visions of peace. Visions of understanding. Visions of acceptance. Visions of empathy. And above all, visions of compassion.,,

That is my vision of spirituality.

I wish you all a good and spiritual life…

ON LIFE, and CONSCIOUSNESS Taking a Sideways Step in my Discussion of Spirituality

The other day I started a discussion on what I mean when I speak about spirituality. But I ran out of words to describe what I was trying to say, and I ending up tripping over my own keyboard. So I stopped writing, and promised to take up the task I had set myself when I could find better words.

In the meantime I received a comment from a reader that made it clear I was even more confused, and confusing, than even I had thought. That reader thought that consciousness might be a better word for what I was trying to describe, and my mind immediately rejected that suggestion. On one level, when I try to define a term or word to help others understand what it is I am talking about, I really don’t like to have someone else try to change my definition. But that is just my ego talking, and I apologize if that feeling came through in my answer. I tried to hide it, or at least tone it down, but I have no idea if I succeeded or not. I can only read my own words in the way I intended them, and I know in my lifetime I have peed a lot of people off completely unintentionally by failing to make myself clear. So, I am sorry if that happened.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I cannot be content in trying to define my usage of the word spirituality. I cannot write that definition without defining the word life, which I usually capitalize to look like Life. This for me is a very special difference, and I will try to explain why. When I hear most people use the word life, it is a very general term that can mean a variety of things, from the state of being alive to the time, or any part of the time, a person or other living being exists between birth and death. It is really a throwaway word, a word that can be replaced by many others, at least as far as the English language is concern. Life is a bed of roses. Life is for learning. I wasted my life. Even It’s a Wonderful Life. But very seldom do I hear such usage as Life is what really makes this world go around.

I have actually spoken those words to many people during my lifetime, Love does not make the world go around, Life does. But no one accepts my theory. Love is the greatest feeling in life, they try to tell me. But those feelings are ephemeral, I hate to have to say. Love cannot survive death, no matter how much one might want it to. Once a living being dies, all feeling ceases. The feelings of beings still alive can continue, I will not argue that. But the actual feelings of the deceased being stop, dead! Love stops, even life stops, but Life goes on.

Now, when I just used the word Life, I used it on more than one level, but all all those levels I am giving Life have one thing in common, they predate birth, and they continue after death. First, on the macro level, while individual life starts and ends, the actual state of Living never ends, the universe can only exist as long as there is Life to exist in it, even if that life is unaware a universe even exists. Does the universe exist if there is no Life in it? Does it matter? If there is NO LIFE there is no one to perceive a universe, ergo there is no universe. But that is just Life on the most macro level discernable to intelligence. And it does take intelligence of some kind to be able to perceive or even conceive of a universe.

But Life is what happens on an individual basis as well, again, inside our universe. The Hindus and later Buddhists were the first to truly believe in reincarnation, as far as we humans know. I cannot tell you what came before, but they (Hindus and later Buddhists) saw something in Life that told them life on Earth was not all that Life could be. Life was something superior to physical existence, superior to even the universe. For them, Life was not just a state of being, Life was BeingLife on this level is not something that can be sensed by any of the five senses, yet it can be sensed in the very state of being aliveLife is something that is to be lived, loved and respected. Yet Life on that level is taken for granted, ignored, and disrespected. Many people even hate Life, though mostly with good reason. Something has happened (read my previous blog, A WORK OF FICTION, for an example) to disconnect them from the world around them. Nothing they do seems to help them, and they become crushed by many and various forces, until they see suicide as the only relief. Life for them has become meaningless.

Others live Life without ever realizing they are truly alive. They are born, they grow, and eventually they die–without ever doing anything truly meaningful. They might want to do something meaningful, but they are not taught how to do that. If ever they realize that doing something meaningful cannot be taught, that it is something that you cause yourself to do, then they will start to truly live. Something like helping someone you do not know or are not expected to help, or by changing your own or someone else’s life. Or by advancing your own being, working to evolve your mind, or working to increase your consciouness.

Ah, there it is, that word that exists in the title of this blog, and in the comment that inspired it. In its purest form, in my mind, and for me, consciousness is the ability to be aware of thinking and to realize what the products of thinking (thoughts and ideas) can be and/or do. Everyone thinks (as far as I know), and probably does it in the same way. It is, again, as far as I know, impossible to actually say what the mechanics of thinking are.

But thinking is only one level of consciousness. What you are conscious of, how deep you drive your consciousness to go (or actually how high you drive it to go), and how connected you are to the consciousness of those around you, all those are levels of consciousness too. But they are still not the only ones.

Understanding, and the wisdom that comes with understanding, those are the most important levels of consciousness a living being can aspire to. Some people’s consciousness centers around their own lives, while others center around the lives of those they know or share a common community with. Still others are aware of what is happening in their own nation. For others it is the human race. But lets go higher. Consciousness can be of the Earth, and all the living beings on it. And consciousness can be of the universe, and any living beings that might be in it. And that is where most people stop, if they ever get that high. But what can be higher than the universe? By its very nature the universe is the biggest construct possible, the infinity of space. But where the universe fills an entire dimension, it is only one dimension, one plane of existence. There are more, that I can tell you. I don’t know what they are, I don’t know where they are, but I am conscious of them being somewhere, and I am conscious of the life that exists there. It isn’t peopled by beings like us, or like any other beings in our universe. There are no descriptors in any Earthly language to define what those living beings are. We can use words like energy, ether, or even anti-matter, but what do those words mean? Truly we do not know, nor can we really know. But that does not mean we are not connected to them, mainly because we together make up that condition we call Life. And all we need to do to be conscious of them is to raise our consciousnesses until we discover they are there.

I said earlier, I believe, that consciousness is not spirituality. Just because a being can be conscious of Life on other planes or other dimensions, it does not automatically mean they will feel connected to that Life. It is actually the nature of the living beings we call human to want to destroy or use every other form of life or Life we encounter. As a species we need to feel that we are the best there is, the top of the food chain, the gods of all other Earthly species. And we fear any alien Life that we might encounter, because we might not be superior to them. And we will not be superior to them, not if they can come to us.

But all those feelings, the need to be superior, the fear of not being the highest rung on the evolutionary ladder, disappear when you allow your consciousness to rise to the level of global, universal, or dimensional levels. Life is Life is LIFE! It is all one and the same, no matter where on the journey that is LIFE one might find oneself. The trick to Life is, the more you understand, the more you are conscious of, and the more you are conscious of, the more you accept to be, and the more you connect with what is. And, the more you connect with what is, the more you Live! Life is Spirituality, and that is where I hope I can safely leave you for now.

And I thank you if you have gotten this far in this blog. It is not an easy read, I know, so much of it flies in the face of modern convention, but yet it really is very simple. If you can feel the connection, you can know what life is all about.


A WORK OF FICTION remembering the lost and lonely on this day of days

I’m sitting here this Xmas morning, all alone in my apartment, wondering why I am even alive. Last night was Xmas eve, and I was alone then too, with too much time on my hands to do nothing but think.  Sometimes thinking is not a good thing. I mean, I tried to talk to others instead of to myself, but everyone was  so busy with others they had no time for me. My brother Aramis thinks he is too good for me. He is a lawyer, and I am a junkie. Yes, a junkie! But I never chose to be a junkie, like he chose to be a lawyer. Or my sister Arabica, the one with all the brains in the family.  Dad put both of them through college. Where did he put me? Yeah, you got it, into rehab. And probably cost him just as much too, if I know him. “Nothing but the best for my son.” Sure, where was all his goddamned money when I needed it? Being shoved up his nose in his secret office behind the office where he saw his patients. Little did they know…

And Mom, my loving mother, drunk by 3:00 every afternoon, what did she expect, giving me little “baby shooters” when I was barely five years old. She had me in pre-school for the mornings so she didn’t have to deal with me, then put me to sleep all afternoon with her “nap time” aids. “Your father doesn’t like it when I drink alone,” she used to say…

Friends? I wasn’t allowed to have any. They would just try to steal my money. My money?  THEIR MONEY! That was all they ever worried about. Their money, and their planned kids. Aramis and Arabica were planned kids! Born 15 years before me. I was the unplanned, kid,  the accident, the afterthought.  So what did they name me? Xander! They didn’t even give me the “Ale” beginning, though Mom filled me with lots of it later on. No, my name coulfn’t start with an “A” like the planned kids. “X” meant I was wrong. “X” meant I was crossed out, eradicated,  unwanted,  unloved…

Oh, I wasn’t supposed to complain,  you know, they gave me everything I could possibly want. Money was no object. Toys. Game boys.  X-boxes for Xander!  Wrong-boxes for the wrong-kid. They thought they were being so cute, so coy. Well, fuck ’em. I’m glad their both dead now…

But I’m still here, still living the life they gave me, the life of an addict.  While they were still alive I used to put an exclamation point behind that word.  Addict!  At least it started with an “A”! Like Aramis! Like Arabica! Addict! Addict!  Addict!

And I don’t even have a fix for Xmas.  I haven’t shot up for days now. The shit on the street is laced with Fentynal. It’s killing people. But nobody cares. Why should anyone care.  We’re just junkies. We’re not worthy. Might as well all kill ourselves, nobody cares.  Not anymore…

Killing myself. I wish it was an option.

Why isn’t it an option.? Cuz I still got a couple more million to spend on shit, if I could find any safe enough to not kill me. I’d move to Amsterdam, or Zurich, or somewhere I could get safe shit, if only I could use my inheritance to get there. But I can’t, cuz Mommy Dearest and Daddy Dearest set up a trust fund that pays for this apartment without me having to see a penny. They have it stocked with food, and alcohol, to keep me healthy but stoned, one way or another. And every day a letter arrives in the mail with just enough cash to score a hit. How the he’ll does my trustee even know how much to send? But she does. She is hip to the daily price of shit on the street. And that’s what she sends me. No less! No more…

No more life… What would that be like? Could I live with being dead? I don’t think so. There would be no shit running through my veins. How could I live without shit? I don’t think I could…

Death? Who would miss me? Not Aramiss. Not Arabica. Not the trustee, that’s for sure. Maybe my supplier,  maybe he might miss me. But I doubt it. He has enough junkies on his tail to keep him stocked for a long long time. ..

Death? You know it’s sounding better all the time. Xmas. Death. Xmas. Death. The ultimate Xmas gift. Death.

Xmas. Wrongmas. Sure as he’ll isn’t righmas!  There’s no rightmas about wrongmas.  There’s no +mas about xmas. Not for me. It’s not for me. There’s nothing for me.

Nothing but shit! If only I could find some safe shit…

Spirituality: What It Is — To Me

I written a lot about spirituality, but on this blog, at least, I don’t believe I have ever truly defined what it is I am talking about. (I’m too lazy to look back at all my blogs to see if I did, because even if I have, the definition or explanation I have for spirituality today is probably not quite the same definition I had back then.) It is an ever-evolving definition that shifts–not changes, but moves somehow forward in my mind–and hopefully will until I pass on to my next incarnation, whenever or wherever that might be.

So when I talk and write about spirituality, what exactly is it that I am speaking about? (Why the I’s in italics? I would like you, the reader, to understand that I am not going to try to define spirituality for anyone else, I have no sure idea of what they, or even you, believe spirituality to be. The only person I can speak for is me. And the following words are what I believe–at this exact minute of my life…) Spirituality is the feeling of connection, caused by being alive, with any and all living beings. In my belief system, EVERY living being has a spirit. It doesn’t matter if the living being is so tiny it can barely be seen under a microscope, or whether it is so large that it cannot be seen to be alive using human understanding. It does not matter if it moves, like an animal, or stays in one place, like a plant. It does not matter if it has what humans understand to be a brain, or if it seems to just blunder along chaotically like a virus or an amoeba. Nothing matters, other than the fact it comes into being, grows and changes all on its own, and eventually dies, even if humans don’t think that is what is happening.

But even then, there are other conditions that can be spiritual without being alive; conditions such as beauty, or peacefulness. Sometimes, when humans see beauty, they just stop everything they are doing to look at the beauty, not just with their eyes, but with their minds, and their spirits. It can also happen when we encounter a space that just seems so peaceful that again we stop, and just allow all the stresses we are constantly feeling to drain out of us. What is it that makes us do that? Beauty and peace are not living things, they are completely intangible, often untouchable. What appears to be happening is we are connecting with whatever is making us able to see the beauty or feel the peace. We, human beings, can be very sensitive to such things, even if we are the only ones seeing that beauty or feeling that peace. This kind of spiritual connection is even better if we are sharing it with someone who sees or feels the same as we do, but doing those things alone are just as spiritual as doing them in concert with one or more others. So, while I am speaking about spirituality, while I mostly mean a connection with other living beings, I do also mean connecting to intangibles.

Now, you might think that I should be defining spirituality as “connection,” in and of itself, but I cannot say this. In my mind, and in my spirit, there needs to be a positive aspect to a spiritual connection, something that raises or uplifts our spirits in some way, even though the situation might not be uplifting in or of itself. Getting caught in an earthquake comes to mind, but this is just an example of what I mean, the situation does not have to be such an extreme one: A person can get caught in an earthquake, lying injured on the ground, suffering pain from broken bones or torn ligaments or pierced skin, or from internal injuries they cannot define as they are lying there helpless. And suddenly they feel their hand being touched, or even just hear a voice nearby asking if they are okay, if they need help. Or they can see someone administering help or comfort to another victim as helpless as they are. At such a time they can be overcome by what they are witnessing, or what is happening to them. They see or otherwise experience someone trying to help others, and they want to cry out “Thank you for trying,” or some such phrase. That is definitely a positive experience, a spiritual experience.

But let us look at the same situation, and instead of seeing someone helping others, or helping them, they see someone robbing or looting, caring only about themselves or possibly their families, but nonetheless not helping others, but helping only themselves. This is not a positive situation, and there is no spirituality involved, no uplifting connection to this selfish person. There is a connection, definitely, the one person’s feeling is being affected by another person’s actions, but the feelings are all negative. This is why I cannot say that spirituality is connection. I believe all things and feelings spiritual must have that positive aspect to them.

Another thing I am not talking about is religion. I will not deny most religious experiences can involve a spiritual connection, but not all things religious are spiritual. Thinking about the need for a positive or uplifting aspect to be spiritual, is there anything positive about one religious group trying to commit genocide on another religious group? Is there anything positive about white hooded “Christian” people burning down a Catholic church, or a Jewish synagogue, or a Muslim temple? Or a group of Muslim faithful attacking a Sikh enclave? Without being biased against any religion, because every religion has such skeletons hiding away in their closets, negative acts prevent some religious situations from being spiritual. There are many spiritual feelings involved in any religion, but unfortunately there are as many non-spiritual feelings that cause harm in some way to non-believers or “different-believers” to cause me to make the statement Religion and Spirituality are not synonymous or equal to each other.

Spirituality, of course, comes from the root word “spirit.” This is not spirit, as in ghost or soul or anything like that. “Spirit is Life.” Spirit is what drives a living being to go on living as long as it can. Spirit is what drives a member of a species to propagate that species. And, one more thing, spirit is what drives a living being to improve itself and/or its species and thus all species to improve so as to keep on living. I cannot tell you who first wrote these prime directives of life, I highly doubt that it was me. But while I cannot give that person literary credit, I can thank him or her (from here or in I will use the plural pronouns they, them, their, etc. when I am talking about a person who has or needs no gender identity. Gender is not consequential to this or most discussions.) for seeing that these directives apply to all living beings. (The last directive, to improve, is not always apparent, but life is such that in order to survive, there must be some change, no matter how big or small, to help the individual, or species, or even Life itself, to continue.

[The above are not really directives in the truest sense of the word, no one gave life orders to do these things. But they are a priori conditions we can see in all living things. They are the conditions that we see when we look at what we call evolution. The funny thing is, the same conditions apply when we look at spirituality. You may have never thought of this, but if you look at history, you will see that spirituality is also evolving (what I openly call spiritual evolution). The easiest way to recognize this is to read The Source by James A. Michener. This book was one of select pieces of artwork I encountered in a time when I was going through spiritual changes, and it helped me understand the history of theism, and why I was so dissatisfied with it. (Another was a song by Eric Burdon and the New Animals entitled New York 1963, America 1968, but that is already on a different blog.)]

At this point I am going to have to cut this discussion short for now. I will tell you honestly that while I know what it is I want to say, I am having trouble expressing myself clearly and  properly. I have tried many times to write the next paragraph, but I am realizing I am only going off on various tangents. And while I love tangents, because they allow you the reader to get glimpses inside my being, I don’t think they will be useful to this discussion. So, maybe, if you haven’t already read The Source, try giving it a read if you can still find a copy. And maybe, by the time you finish it, I will have realized how to say what it is I want to say. My apologies to everyone for not being able to finish this discussion at this time…

LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE And Ignoring the Samsaric Bullshit

There are a million and one things happening in today’s world all challenging the desire to live a decent and spiritual life, not the least of which is the Damned Trumpeter who is trying to distract the USofA from any kind of decency in life, so let’s just agree to ignore him for awhile.


This is hopefully not going to take up much of your time, but because all that samsaric distraction is even keeping me from living a spiritual life, I figure it must be keeping a lot of other people besides me from doing so. But, what is really the important thing in life, Donald Trump, or your spirit?


My answer to that question is my spirit. That for me is the most important part of me, and my life. It is so easy to get distracted, but that is why I feel a real effort has to be made to keep ourselves centered in the reality that is life. Samsara, the world in front of the veil of death, is only as temporary as are our physical lives. (Even my bladder tried to distract me just now from the task at hand, but I did not let even that unfocus my line of thought!) Our spirits are forever, as far as we can understand forever, and they require our focus now more than ever before. And that, I think, is what the little cell that danced was trying to remind me, The spirit inside that cell has been here forever, and will continue forward until forever is no more. Samsara–Begone!


I need to “keep my eyes on the prize” and stop allowing myself to be distracted. And I hope you will try that too. No matter how hard that might be.


When it comes right down to it, no matter what is happening in the world, the only thing we have any chance of controlling is what goes on inside our own bodies, and particularly what goes on in our own minds and spirits. So, for the 500th time in my life, I am rededicating my life to my spirit. If I am truly going to pass on to the next plane, as I am told I will be doing, I need to stay prepared. And if those people who have told me that are wrong, I need to keep preparing myself for the time when that does come to pass.


Life, that condition that keeps us from ceasing to exist on any and every plane, needs to be coddled to continue advancing onward and upward. Understanding life, despite what all the pundits say, is not only possible, but doable. But going backward, or “devolving,” is a constant concern, a threat to the advancement of life itself. Taking 50 steps backward in order to advance 1 step forward is the norm, but does not have to be. We, each and every living being, is in charge of their own spiritual lives, not to mention in charge of the life of every cell in our bodies. Let’s all learn to keep every life, no matter how small or large, alive.

Re-Writing the Golden Rule

And I said I wasn’t insane! Well, I’m certainly unsane (or not sane by the standards of the society I live in, but sane by the standards I myself live by). And yes, I believe I can re-write the Golden Rule, because the present one gives too much leeway to what one person can do to another. Let’s look. In 2001 a group of interdisciplinary faith leaders came together and created a poster stating and restating the Golden Rule as 13 disciplines believed it should read. Western philosophies and religions had various version of Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Ten out of thirteen direct their rule almost directly at human beings. Three, therefore, acknowledge that not all living things are human. Seven state their rule as a positive, as in Do unto others; six state it as a negative as in Do not do. Four talk about not inflicting pain or hurt on others, most state something about what you would do, or not have done, for yourself. But none of them, in my opinion, not one of them, get into the mind or the thought processes of the doer–don’t do what you would not want done to yourself is as close as it gets.

Now try my way: Do unto others only that which you would be willing to have done unto you. This, in my opinion, is a lot more restrictive. This talks about having to think something out before you can decide what to do, or not do. This statement, or direction, makes it mandatory that you consider how you would feel if someone was doing something to you, then reverse it to know where to draw the line on what you would be willing to do to others. My statement carries the implied consequence that whatever you do to someone else, anyone else can do that same thing to you, and should you not like or enjoy having that thing done, then you should never have done that thing to anyone else in the first place. In other words, you, and only you, are responsible for what you cause to happen to others, and therefore what others can cause to have happen to you.

Am I splitting hairs, maybe, but I am certainly not splitting hares. I am not going to slice up anyone or anything because I am not about to give anyone permission to do that to me. Sure, this doesn’t prevent some sadist from slicing me up, not everyone lives by the golden rule however it is stated. Psychopaths and sociopaths are unable to comprehend anything such as a golden rule. People who are hellbent on terror don’t care what they do to others, even if they don’t have a pathology that cannot stop them from willy-nilly wreaking havoc on others. But the thing is, for the most part, the majority of humans would not want to act aggressively or hurtfully towards others.

So why is there so much violence in the world today? Why is there so much sexual aggression, so much physical abuse? I believe we can take most of that violence and lay it at the foot of parents who mistreat their children, who don’t believe that children don’t deserve to be abused in ANY fashion at all. If you don’t beat it into a child, they’ll never learn it. That was what my father believed, and that is why I hated him. Not loved, I had no reason to thank him for anything but his genes. They made me who I am today, a survivor. The only positive effect he had on me was teaching me how not to treat others. And that was actually a conscious decision on my part. I could have carried on the cycle, if I had children, but that cycle ends with me. I don’t want to ever have anyone treat me that way again. It isn’t easy to abide by that decision, it takes two to allow it to be kept, but I think I can count on my fingers (and maybe a few toes) how many times I have forgotten to treat people or others with respect and kindness. (See LIVING A DECENT LIFE, an earlier blog.)

The only thing hat I dislike about any version of the Golden Rule is making it a rule in itself. I don’t believe anyone should take authority over anyone else. No one should be able to tell anyone how to live, or how to act. Role-model a rule, plaster it on a poster, I don’t really care. But forcing it on anyone means that anything can be forced upon me. I won’t willingly let that happen. I am the only one who can make rules for me, but my responsibility is to make sure my rules do not interfere with anyone or anything else. That is what my Golden Rule means to me.

As hippies, in the 1960s, most of us lived by this rule: Be whoever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T HURT ANYONE. That worked well for us, but it had little effect on non-hippies. Even though I am trying once again to put my wording of the golden rule into the public consciousness, I’ve actually tried to live with it since I wrote it as an active hippie. Given the state the world is in today, I thought it a good time to try to put it out there once again. I hope you will agree with me…


I have spent the last two plus days trying to figure out if I am insane or not. I don’t feel insane, but I can’t know for sure. I have to admit I was semi-disappointed when I came to the revelation that I was not making some big discovery about my past that had been hidden from me for years. That was how I interpreted the feeling that came over me while watching NCIS on the boob tube on Monday last. And that was all I really wanted, to discover something that would explain away how I have chosen to live my life, how my original goal to be some famous scientist making the discovery of a lifetime changed to an all-out search for an understanding of my own spirituality. Not that understanding anyone’s spirituality would not be a great discovery, but most people alive today have no concern about their spirituality. Most believe whatever kind of bullshit they were spoon-fed as children. Some advanced from that, and searched for something more personal, something that connected them to others. Something inside them, but generally still something they were told about, or read in a book. Neither of those options were good enough for me. I had to explore every synapse of my mind to try to discovery a reality that explained the whole universe in one word. That word was rawgod.

Or, at least, so I thought. At that point in my life I still believed there was some kind of arrow that pointed the way to Truth. But the more I searched, the more I explored my own mind, the more I concluded there was no such arrow. There is no evidence for it, anywhere. Sure, if that was what you wanted, you could alter the facts to suit the belief, say that god works in mysterious ways to explain why a child contracts a deadly disease, why a stray bullet hits an innocent child, killing them instantly. Or even why a senior person decides to commit suicide by slow starvation. My first motivation was the injury or death of children, because they had their whole lives ahead of them. Because at that point I still had my whole life ahead of me.

I no longer have my whole life ahead of me. I am that senior person now, and the majority of my life is behind me. But that does not mean the greatest part of my life is behind me. I think the greatest part is still ahead of me. And I sure as hell hope I am not insane, because then I might never find out what that greatest part was going to be. I want to be here when it happens, and that little cell, or actually the spirit in that little cell, is going to help me get there.


It doesn’t matter how small a spirit is, or how large it might be. It doesn’t matter how young that spirit is, or how old it is. The fact is: it is a spirit whole and complete unto itself, yet still connected through life to every other living spirit there is or will ever be. Why am I saying this, what is leading me to draw this conclusion. To explain that, I first have to say that I spent the last two day plus days denying that the spirit of the cell that attracted my attention could be what I felt it was, and is. The cell basically told me it is the spirit that was in the cell of one of the first one-celled beings that came to life in the original primordial soup that once covered the lifeless earth. There was no life, and then there was life. Did it start with one-cell replicating, or did it start as Dr. Richard Dawson theorizes as a group of crystalline cells yearning to stop the cycle of formation followed by dissolution? I don’t think that really matters, nor can it ever be factually known. There was no one there to write the history of the birth of life on Planet Earth.

Yet here, inside me, and therefore presumably inside you, dear reader, is the spirit of a cell that was there at the very beginning. Obviously, the cell itself cannot be here, physical matter cannot last forever. But spiritual matter, whatever that might be, does last forever, and that is what that cell is here to teach me. Science says that some four billion years ago life came into being somehow on this planet. Did it come from another dimension? Did it come from outer space? Did it just appear? Those questions cannot be answered.

But now comes the important question, one I have never heard asked before, but my experience is very very limited in this field: Can there be life without spirit? To the best of my research, life is the spirit, not the physical body. Life started out as one-celled beings, plant, animal, or other having no bearing on anything. From one-celled beings came two-celled beings, then three- or four- or more-celled beings. Today’s humans are believed to have almost 40 trillion cells. Elephants probably have in the quadrillions, whales possibly in the quintillions. But, where it counts, every cell, every single cell, still has its own spirit, and that is what connects us to ourselves, and that is what connects us to each other. And that one cell which I believe is inside my brain that stood up and wanted to be counted, that is the start of the fantastic journey from first-life-on-earth to present-day-life on earth. The physical cells of matter come and go, as far as I can apprehend there is no real continuity there. But spiritual cells, they last forever, and that is what drives life forward. Not some supreme being, nor some pantheon of mediocre beings, nothing rules the universe. Life is what you see it to be. But spirits, they are forever, just not the way we think we see them to be.

So why was this revelation hiding behind my intellect, my IQ, my philosophy of life, and my beliefs? Truly I cannot tell you, but I think it was because humanity has learned to ignore its feelings and look for the intellectually knowable. Proof! Evidence! Research! The Scientific Method! And yet, where do most scientific advances come from? Feelings…

I tried to ignore my feelings on the Little Cell That Could. I questioned my own sanity at having the feelings that came with the rediscovery of that cell/spirit within me. I did everything I could to intellectualize away the feelings I was having. But in the end the feelings won me over. It wouldn’t stop dancing. It wouldn’t stop shouting. It wouldn’t stop… Being!


And now I know I am still on track to the greatest time in my life. I’ve still got a ways to go…