Maybe This Post Will Get Published…

I have started so many posts of late, but as you know, it has been a long time since anything got published. There are a couple of main reasons for this:

1) If I don’t finish it at one sitting, I lose all enthusiasm for whatever topic I was writing about, or

2) I just plain forget halfway through what I was trying to say, or what point I was trying to make.

So, really, this post is more of an apology to you, the readers, than anything else. Is it Alzheimer’s, or some other form of senility? Is it just the world is so screwed up these days that I wonder if it is worth my effort to try to communicate with others? Or is it just laziness on my part–I get bored with myself so easily these days? I really don’t know the answer.

Or maybe it’s Covid, but I really don’t think much of Covid, it is not a worry for me. I am not an anti-masker, though I occasionally forget to put my mask on, as I did today as the convenience store. I know Covid is not a hoax. I am just resigned to the fact my immune system has-been non-existent for so many years I catch any bug that comes within hailing distance of my lungs, and I will probably get this bug too. With my medical record, if I get it, most likely I will die. No big deal. I used to chain-smoke, knowing that would kill me someday. My choice of how I would die. I even smoked while running around a quarter-mile track trying to stay in shape. Yup, I knew I was killing me. Then I woke up one day and never smoked again, ever. No withdrawal symptoms, no cravings, no nothing. I didn’t even know I was considering quitting smoking. It just happened. That was 35 years ago. Now the odour of stale tobacco makes me sick. Well, so does fresh tobacco stink, but the stale stuff makes me wonder how I ever put that shit into my lungs.

Actually, quitting smoking was a spiritual thing for me. Life became more important than death. Not that I was afraid of dying, I dealt with that contigency when I was 19. That was when I had my LSD experiences, which I have written about elsewhere on this blog, and learned that life itself is eternal, not in a christian or religious way, just in a natural way. And certainly not in an ego way, ego only lasts along as the body does. Spirit is forever. So at first I chose to choose my manner of death, lung cancer. Then 17 years later, I chose life over death.

But probably I am digressing from whatever it was was trying to write about today, which was just to actually publish a post despite my own inability to do so of late.

So, no, I am not dead. No, I have not caught Covid. No, I have not stopped blogging, yet. I just haven’t been able to complete a post. Now, today, I have,

Author: rawgod

A man with a lot of strange experiences in my life. Haven't traveled that much per se, but have lived in a lot of different areas. English is the only language I have mastered, and the older I get, the more of it I lose. Seniorhood gives me more time to self-reflect, but since time seems to go much faster, it feels like I don't have as much time for living as my younger selves did. I believe in spiritual atheism and responsible anarchy. These do not have to be oxymorons. Imagination is an incredible tool. I can imagine a lot of things.

9 thoughts on “Maybe This Post Will Get Published…”

  1. Glad you’re still around. I wish I had your attitude about death. Lately it has been on my mind so..the ceasing to exist part…the finality of it.


    1. What is there really to fear, Mary? I don’t mean this flippantly, but in all seriousness, because this is the way I look at death: If we cease to exist completely, we will never know we are dead. We will have no feelings on the matter. However, if what I believe is correct, from my two NDE experiences–death is death no matter what causes it–we will not cease to exist in spirit, though rawgod and maryplumbago will cease as our ego bus-drivers. You will not even go to sleep, but go on a journey into your mind and begin to enter a pool of bodiless spirits in the same position as you, going back over your lives, discovering what you learned while embodied.
      Those are the only two choices. Only one of them will be knowable.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Only momentarily, as they are absorbed into the mass consciousness, and gleaned for that which has value to the whole. Like harvesting wheat, you get rid of the stock, blow away the chaff, and find the kernel, , which gets changed into flour, and then bread to feed the hungry. This is my understanding, based on the little bit of being absorbed that I experienced. No, our egos disappear quickly, our memories are examined, the goodness in them harvested while the excess is thrown away.
          How does the wheat stock feel when it is ignored as useless? But the kernel, it gets the glory, so-to-speak. Just made that up for you, Nan. I’ll call it my Nanism.


          1. HA! Appreciate the notoriety. 😉

            We all have our perspectives on what happens “after.” I tend to disagree that we retain any memories to examine … or that an overall “consciousness” exists. But if it makes “death” easier for you to accept/understand, that’s what’s important since it’s definitely an act none of us can avoid.


            1. It not for avoidance, Nan. As I say, it is my experience. I knew right from my first acid trip that ZSD could take me beyond anyplace I could get to without help, but when it finally happened it was like nothing I could have expected, or prepared myself for. Then, some 10 or so days later, I repeated the experience under mostly different circumstances, and a different concoction of LSD. Same result. That is required for scientific study, is it not, for an experiment to be reconstruct able, with equal results. It has nothing to do (for me) with wishful thinking. Still, though I know others who have had similar experiences, I refuse to say it is this way for everyone, even though I believe it to be.
              One day we will all find out, or not.

              Liked by 1 person

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