I have started so many posts of late, but as you know, it has been a long time since anything got published. There are a couple of main reasons for this:
1) If I don’t finish it at one sitting, I lose all enthusiasm for whatever topic I was writing about, or
2) I just plain forget halfway through what I was trying to say, or what point I was trying to make.
So, really, this post is more of an apology to you, the readers, than anything else. Is it Alzheimer’s, or some other form of senility? Is it just the world is so screwed up these days that I wonder if it is worth my effort to try to communicate with others? Or is it just laziness on my part–I get bored with myself so easily these days? I really don’t know the answer.
Or maybe it’s Covid, but I really don’t think much of Covid, it is not a worry for me. I am not an anti-masker, though I occasionally forget to put my mask on, as I did today as the convenience store. I know Covid is not a hoax. I am just resigned to the fact my immune system has-been non-existent for so many years I catch any bug that comes within hailing distance of my lungs, and I will probably get this bug too. With my medical record, if I get it, most likely I will die. No big deal. I used to chain-smoke, knowing that would kill me someday. My choice of how I would die. I even smoked while running around a quarter-mile track trying to stay in shape. Yup, I knew I was killing me. Then I woke up one day and never smoked again, ever. No withdrawal symptoms, no cravings, no nothing. I didn’t even know I was considering quitting smoking. It just happened. That was 35 years ago. Now the odour of stale tobacco makes me sick. Well, so does fresh tobacco stink, but the stale stuff makes me wonder how I ever put that shit into my lungs.
Actually, quitting smoking was a spiritual thing for me. Life became more important than death. Not that I was afraid of dying, I dealt with that contigency when I was 19. That was when I had my LSD experiences, which I have written about elsewhere on this blog, and learned that life itself is eternal, not in a christian or religious way, just in a natural way. And certainly not in an ego way, ego only lasts along as the body does. Spirit is forever. So at first I chose to choose my manner of death, lung cancer. Then 17 years later, I chose life over death.
But probably I am digressing from whatever it was was trying to write about today, which was just to actually publish a post despite my own inability to do so of late.
So, no, I am not dead. No, I have not caught Covid. No, I have not stopped blogging, yet. I just haven’t been able to complete a post. Now, today, I have,