I must apologize. I wrote part one of this post quite a while ago, and had part two almost complete in my mind–but life interfered, and I never wrote it down. And then I forgot about it! In my mind it was written and published, and it was only today when I needed it that I discovered it was not there. How much of it I will remember I do not know, but this is only worrisome to me, because I know my failure. To you, the reader, who know nothing of this, you won’t even notice.
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Just to be clear, this post and its predecessor are not aimed at schoolteachers or college or university professors. Those people are paid to teach our youth things they will need to help them get by in life. Mind you, I do not always agree with what they teach or how they teach, but that is a wholly different matter. This post is aimed at people like philosophers, which I consider myself one, preachers, gurus, and anyone who thinks they have something to offer this world that can help the world become a better place. Needless to say, I am writing this to myself, because I am hoping to offer my experience at the uselessness of trying to teach anything to anyone.
First of all, we really do not want anyone to teach us anything. We know it all already. And if we don’t know it all, do we really need to learn something we are getting along fine without. After all, our parents brought us up to live in this world, and, yeah, they made mistakes, but there is no parenting manual that works for every situation. It’s just life, and we make it up as we go along. So get out of my face!
But we wannabe teachers ignore such proclamations. We know something that will make life easier for others, or better for others, and despite what others think or believe, we know we can help them. Right! Right? Wrong…
How arrogant of us! Over 37 BILLION people in this world, and we are the ones who know best what is good for everyone! You know what I’m saying. You’ve felt it. If you haven’t felt it why are you trying to teach anyone anything? You believe in yourself, right? You know what you have to offer. You are going to save the world.
You are not going to save the world. No one is. No one person can. Farbeit for me to disillusion you, disappoint you, and dishearten you, but as much as you would like it to be able to, your idea cannot work for everyone. There are too many cultures, societies, nations, types of government, philosophies, religions, political parties, too much of anything, for my, or your, idea to work for everyone. To emphasize this, there are too many individuals to get everyone to believe any one thing. And if you cannot help everyone, what is the use of trying to teach anyone.
For some it is teaching what someone taught you, and you are but another teacher in a long line of teachers teaching the same thing, generation after generation. You are convinced that what you are teaching is helping others even as what others taught you helped you. Or, you are someone who was not helped by what others taught you, and you discovered all on your own something that helped you, so now you want to teach others what you know helped you, because it can help them too. Forget it!
FOOLS! WE ARE ARROGANT FOOLS! You know nothing. I know nothing. All we are doing is hoping someone will believe us, about how we see the world, about how we can save the world. Because if someone believes us, then we know we are making a mark in this world. We know we are not crazy egomaniacs with visions of megomolania. I used to be a crazy maniac, with visions of megalomania. But now I know I am just a fool, a person utterly honest with myself, wanting you to be utterly honest with yourself too. I know nothing. You know nothing. And that is the way life is.
I am not trying to say I have nothing to offer, or you have nothing to offer, but offer it, and forget it. As I said in part one of this post, you cannot control what you say once you’ve said it, nor can you control what someone hears in what you said. No language is perfect. Whatever language you speak, whatever language your reader reads, you cannot guarantee the reader is reading what you are saying. I’m sorry, but that is the truth. You may think they are agreeing with you, they might tell you they are agreeing with you, but really they are agreeing with themselves. They are agreeing with WHAT THEY THINK YOU ARE SAYING, and you have no way to control that. Yes, you may have used the best words you can think of, in the best language you know to say them, but only you know what you are truly trying to say. No one else!
Take a look at some of our most famous human teachers from the past. Moses, Abraham, Buddha, Christ, Mohammed, Paul of Tarsus, Martin Luther, and all the ones we are missing. Notice who this list is missing: Africans, Australians, Pre-Columbus Americans (South and North), all kinds of Asians… What is the one thing everyone on or not on this list have in common–every one of them failed! All! Not just some… If any one of them had not failed this world would be a much better place to be. What is it you have that not one of these teachers had? Not a damn thing.
Now, if you have gotten this far in my little rant, and you think I have insulted you all I can, please let me disabuse you of that idea. Let me ask you a very important question, one I had to answer for myself a number of years ago: What makes you think your words are so important that no one before you has never thought of them before? I know I thought that about what I wanted to teach the world. I believed it to my very bones. Yet when I tried to tell people, no one understood me. Did anyone even try? I don’t know how to answer that! They told me they tried. Some told me they succeeded. But when I heard them repeat it to others, I finally understood my failure. What was so obvious to me was not at all obvious to others. Like a game of Telephone, or Rumour (same game, different name), the meaning changed. And each step it got farther away from me, the more it changed. It did not take long for the meaning to be entirely lost, though the names stayed the same. It was an exercise in futility. And had anyone been there to tell me this, I would not have believed them. I knew I was different, that what I had was special. I still feel that way, all these many years later. But I am enough of a realist to admit that I failed in my intention. I didn’t change the world one whit.
The worst part came for me when I listened to myself speak. Telling others what to do, or how to believe, deprived them of their own humanity, their own belief in themselves. It was easy to think most of them didn’t know how to think, that my thoughts went so much deeper than theirs. But even if that was true, their thoughts were still as important to them as mine are to me. They wanted to be heard just as much as I wanted to be heard. For themselves they were right, even as I was right for myself. Truth is relative. Belief is relative. Thoughts are relative. Ideas are relative. PEOPLE ARE RELATIVE!
People believe what they want to believe, as long as they want to believe it. Encouraging them to believe what they do not want to believe, what they are not ready to believe, does not change them deep inside. ONLY THEY CAN CHANGE THEMSELVES, WHEN THEY WANT TO CHANGE THEMSELVES, WHEN THEY ARE READY TO CHANGE THEMSELVES, and anyone who wants to deprive them of their own journey is a fool, and a bully. How did you get to where you are? Only you can answer that. How did anyone get to where they are at? Only they can answer that. The best we can do is talk to others. The worst we can do is try to teach them. They deserve the right to be who they think they are. If they are right, for them, congratulations to them. If they are wrong, they will change themselves. I believe they have all eternity to find themselves. How long are you willing to allow them?
A New Spirituality 
But rawgod … I don’t want to be honest with myself. I want to go on believing that somehow, in some small way, we can make a difference, though I realize it is a minute, microscopic one. Otherwise, why do we even bother to speak at all? Sigh. But I must argue with you about one thing … for I have listened to your words, and now am questioning my relevance, so see … you taught me something. Sigh.
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You, Jill, are not trying to be a teacher. You are informing others of how you see the world. You are giving your opinion on how you see the world. But you are doing no proselyzing, no haranguing, no telling people how to live. Not in the way I am talking, at least.
No, I am talking about people like me, who have a distinct view of what can be done to make this world better–maybe. There are a LOT of such people on Word Press, and a lot more all over the world. Some I agree with, most I do not, but even so no one has the right to force their beliefs on others. As I said, offer your ideas, let others make up their own minds. Teaching makes a person sound like they know they are right for everyone, when really they are only right for themselves.
This was not an easy conclusion for me to reach, even I fought it all the way. But the more I fought, the truer it seemed to be. And even now, in this post and this comment, it sounds like I am trying to be a teacher. Maybe I am…
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Maybe the world needs teachers, my friend. I must admit that sometimes I am hoping to teach people such things as love rather than hate, peace rather than war. Ah well … we are who we are, and while we can always strive to make the world a better, more caring place, in all likelihood we change very few minds. LuL
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What the world needs most, if I can say this without sounding like a teacher, is good role models. People others can look at and say, I wish I was like that.
A missionary I once taught a whole village of people to believe in god, and christ. Then he went elsewhere. Ten years later he returned to that village to see how well his teaching took. They were right back to the life they had been living before his first visit. In trying to understand what went wrong, he discovered that they had been trying to make him happy while he was there by pretending to believe his teachings. Why? Because they were perfectly happy all the time, and part of being happy was making others happy. While he was there they wanted him to be happy. So they pretended to believe.
He is no longer a missionary, or a believer. These villagers taught him how important it was to be happy, and religion makes no one as happy as those villagers. Role models work much better than words!
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You make a very good point … if we all spent our time being role models instead of talking about what everybody else is doing wrong, the world would be a much better place. I loved that story, too … it speaks volumes.
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It does.
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I think you nailed this topic, Jerry! I agree with you completely, and it WAS a hard won lesson. But I also think you touched on the solution, maybe without even realizing it…
*slipping into my best teacher’s voice*
“They wanted to be heard just as much as I wanted to be heard.” Everyone wants to be heard. Instead of talking so much, perhaps we should try listening more, not with an ear toward how we can respond, but with a sincere effort to understand their point of view. Ask relevant questions. Seek explanation of muddled points. Let them hear, through our ears, what they are saying…
As you so rightly pointed out, it wasn’t until I heard myself speaking (to myself, no less, since no one else was truly listening), that I began to truly understand my own thinking. I suspect that is why writing so appeals to me; it is a chance to hear myself speak…
And understanding one’s self leads naturally to self-empowerment…. Or so I believe…
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Lisa, I so agree with this — we should try listening more! Too often I have found I “can’t get a word in edgewise” because the other person won’t stop talking! In other words, it works both ways. Personally, I tend to be a listener because I enjoy learning about the other person. But gee … it would be nice if they’d slow down a bit so we can share. 😕
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I hear you, Nan! The world needs listeners, true, but it also needs to hear from those listeners (like you) who make it a habit to hear more. You have many perspectives you can now share, if the talkers would give you a chance…
I’m listening… just so you know. 😁
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Go for it, Nan. As Lisa says, writing is like talking to myself. It often surprises me what I write about something, good, bad, or indifferent. But I certainly know people who talk so much no one else can. They seem to have no clue…
The funny thing is, as someone recently said somewhere, after talking for however long they do talk, I have no idea what they just said.
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Oh, and there are also people who are afraid to say much, because people are so easily offended. If I don’t piss someone off on a regular basis, I don’t feel I am getting anywhere. Not that I want to piss people off, but without doing so they don’t really try to understand others…
They think everyone agrees with them, and that can go to their heads.
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I would certainly agree with you. On everything. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to offer to others. I don’t necessarily want to teach anyone anything, not anymore, but I do like to try to make others think, and consider what others have to offer. If that is teaching, sobeit, but I do not think anything I say can save the world like I once hoped, esp something like this…
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I’ve been seeing a counselor for a while. I’ve always thought this profession was bunk. I can do this on my own. I can write journals, I can meditate, I can..umm..talk to god…or find a friend, or pen pal..or wife.. bartender…But…to sit and speak from the heart and know that person is really really listening blew my mind!! One of the most powerful things I’ve ever done. Most people don’t know how to listen.
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A very true statement, Eric. And not even all counsellors know how to lusten to all clients. Finding one who listens to you, and lets you know he or she is listening, is like finding the Fountain of Youth. Hang onto that counsellor as long as you need them…
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I couldn’t think of the word ‘therapist’, but maybe counselor is the same?
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The word is unimportant, I don’t think. Technically a counsellor counsels, or suggests. There is no telling a client to do anything, but suggesting different ways to look at a problem or issue, and leaves it up to the client whether to use any of the suggestions. The purpose is to help the client discover strengths, and learn how and when to use them.
But, of course, everyone has their own ways of doing things. And the client should always have the last say in who they want to work with.
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Makes sense and seems to be what’s happening. Cool stuff.
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Does this mean you are happier than you were? Or at least more settled? I know I haven’t been in contact as much as I would like. but I’m not very happy myself these days. Life could be better…
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That’s a good phrase, more settled. Nothing around me has changed much, but I’ve been working on noticing when I am obsessing on negativity. I’ve found if I catch it early I can turn it to positive. Takes practice practice practice. Maybe my 12 years of Zen meditation has helped me notice the working of my mind? Anyway, the homework my therapist gives me is to practice consciously turning negativity around. It works. I’m getting random smiles from strangers and waves etc. People engage me in conversation more. I guess my affect has become more positive??
What’s going on with you these days? Life weighing on you?
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Life. Health. Obligations. I hate obligations. I wanna be free…
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I hear ya!! That’s a good blog topic. Freedom?
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But one needs to be in the mood. Are you in the mood? Write it, and I’ll see what I can do. You know my email.
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Agreed, Eric. A powerful reminder to all of us… 🙂
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This really is a good post rg. You have summed up how I have been feeling lately.
It is as though a switch went off in my head (or maybe it was ‘on’). I listen to (radio) and read (social media) a lot of stuff. I occasionally share some of it, but I absorb 90% and file it in my thoughts on the world.
I am aware that most of that info is put out by people with personal agendas… The Twitter, Instagram and Facebook users want followers, reporters want recognition, politicians want to be re-elected and patted on the back by their peers. All of it self serving. But a lot of that information is useful to the listener/reader. We do learn from each other even if our ego pushes us in ways we don’t like.
None of us can change the world single handed, but put groups of us together with similar mind sets and information, and they do change the world . Political idealogies thrive on this idea.
The trick is to keep in step with truth, compassion and respect for others. No, we cannot teach, preach, or chastise, but we can inform, lead and encourage. 😊
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Hello,rawgod.
You said,we really do not want anyone to teach us anything.I don’t think that’s true.We seek teachers in all sorts of matters.And,I am betting you have sought teachers at times in your life.From childhood thru adulthood we seek teachers.
I think some teachers do know things that can make our lives easier.The teacher/teaching isn’t always the problem.Sometimes it’s the learner/learning.There is transmission and there is reception.The radio station may be transmitting perfectly(clearly)but,the radio has too much static.
It isn’t necessarily arrogant to want to teach.But….to teach from arrogance….Once read this: Those who dare to teach must never cease to learn.
It’s not about trying to save the world.
You ask,if you can’t help everyone,what’s the use of teaching anyone?The use(value)of teaching anyone(someone) is in the hope,possibility that you may be of service to that one.Lose hope,lose the possibility.
Anyway….
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Hey, Joe,
You have to watch how the word “teach” is being used. I am against “teaching others about what the teacher holds as good and right.” I am not against offering others ideas that they can decide are good and right for them or not. Most teachers say this is good and right for you to believe–I disagree. That choice is for the person trying to learn. I am more than willing to make ideas available to others. Some time in my rush to finish I do make it sound like I want others to believe what I am saying, and for that I take responsibility. There was a time I thought my beliefs could be true for all. That time I regret. I was young and foolish.
Bad habits linger.
My wish as I grow older is to just pass ideas on. If readers or listeners find meaning in my ideas, that is for them to decide. I trust NO ONE who says “This is Truth!” Truth is forever changing.
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Young and foolish? I get that.The young has left me.But the foolish?Not always clear about that. :)
I’m not finding anything wrong with a teacher expressing(teaching)their thoughts and ideas about what’s “good and right”.Insisting their ideas are the only ones available is another matter.I would be against that,too.
My intent,in my previous post,was to offer a bit of hope.You may be having a greater impact on another than you know.Just saying.
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I like humor…and stupid questions.
Eric Said Nothing said freedom was a good topic.What about freedom of will(free will)?
Free will is something that’s been talked about,debated’ for god knows how long.
My question is,to you and anyone else who reads this,are we doing this freely or is something driving us to it?
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That is up to you to decide for yourself. I choose to believe I have free will. That is how I live my life. Should you choose to think all things are already decided, that is your choice.
I think, if you believe accidents happen, you are choosing free will. However, if you believe even accidents are pre-planned…
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I’ve read you aren’t impressed by quotes but,here are two that impress me and causes a chuckle.
“Nobody knows what happens next but everybody does it”.(That’s George Carlin)
“The problem with free will is that it comes with conditions”. (Don’t know who said that)
It may be my decision to make…free will or not,But how will I decide?What do I base my decision on?I know it seems like,feels like,I have freedom of will.And I know I’ve been told I do.
If I chose free will,could an accident happen?
At this point I lean towards “free-ish”.Whatever conclusion I come to will need to rely on something.I need a conviction involving more evidence than a feeling or what I’ve been told.
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I base my decisions on what I find inside of me, not on what comes from outside of me.
If there is no free will, there is no progress, for how can we change the future?
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Change the future? If I’m standing on some railroad tracks with a train coming at me’ and I step off the tracks,did I change the future?
Is there any possibility that progress could come thru investigation,not only of what’s inside but outside,as well?Any chance progress could mean loosening up on rigid idea that will is free?
And,about what’s inside you: how did it get there?Where did it come from?
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For me, my understanding comes from all my past lives, and learning–not being taught–what life means to me.
No, why would I want to believe anything other than that I have free will?
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I don’t have any recall of past lives.I only know what I’ve heard and read,which is very,very little.That leaves me with no reason to believe or not believe.A thorough investigation might lead me to a belief but,at this point in life it’s not an area of interest.Free will is another matter.I have looked into that and there are indicators that suggest to me that will is not free in the absolute sense of the word free.Which is why I used the term ‘free-ish’ in a earlier post.It’s a term I taught to myself thru my learning.
Don’t know why you would want to believe anything other than you have free will.Do you know?Can you tell me?For me it’s not about wanting to believe but,about what seems reasonable to think,given the info I have.
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Hi there, I found your post really interesting however, maybe it’s about the manner in which we try to teach. For example I am a Buddhist and studied for many years in India with some of the most renowned masters. One of the things my teacher told me was I now have a duty to share my knowledge with others. This wasn’t easy, mainly because many people aren’t interested in Buddhism, they don’t want to learn about it, they’ve never thought about learning about it. There may be 1 million reasons why somebody may not be receptive to the things you want to share. And here I think sharing is the operative word rather than teaching but of course the student must be receptive. So from a Buddhist viewpoint the students will come to us but we are also constantly learning and so I would say maybe its best to come from the perspective that both parties are students, learning from each other and sharing their experiences.
The arrogance may only come when we believe it is us you know everything as you say, and other people know nothing.
Thank you so much for sharing your post I look forward to others Best wishes Tenzin
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Not to pry, but Tenzin, as in Tenzin Gyatso?
Thank you for commenting. I am myself ex-Tibetan Buddhist, though I never really got into it as deeply as I could have. I studied under a rinpoche in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada for two years, and learned a bit from him. I chanted with him every Sunday while under his tutelage, which was a very consciousness-raising experience. I appreciated him greatly, but unserted myself from his group over discussions about who or what had spiritual selves. I believe all living beings have spirits, but he held that certain creatures did not. Nothing worth fighting over, but still I felt my beliefs were disrupting his classes, and decided to remove myself from them. Still, I am in his debt, though probably he has long since passed on to his next incarnation, he was quite old at the time.
I like your use of the word sharing, I never even thought of it at the time I wrote those posts. I wish I had. My problem, of course, is that, especially in the Western world, in which I was born in and acculturated to, teaching is not really sharing. It is believing you have true knowledge, and demanding everyone believe as you do, or, at the very least, pay obeisance to. I find this very damaging to many people, especially those who are not confident within themselves. Having been brought up to believe experts know better than we do about ourselves, we easily fall into self-destructive beliefs. This was my main area of attack.
Learned people sharing, as long as they do not pronounce their shares as absolute truth, I have no problem with. But for me, everything is open for discussion, though certain people tell me I am the most stubborn person they know. I know what I know, for me, and refuse to change just because they tell me I am wrong, for them. I have just this past two weeks gone through a long series of conversations with people telling me I cannot have a spirit self because they do not have spirit selves they are aware of. It is such a stupid argument, but they insist on telling me who I am, and I resist being told.
But here I am laying all my woes on you, when I should be appreciating your comment, which I do, greatly. The difference between East and West, a manufactured difference to be sure, is one of the banes in my life. While I may no longer be Buddhist as such, my thoughts tend more toward Eastern belief systems as opposed to Western science-based beliefs, though I am assured they are not beliefs, but facts.
I am going to go now to your blog site, and see what might be there to be found. I am sure I will find reason to comment.
Again, thank you for commenting.
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Hi there, well thank you so much for your response and it was really interesting I have to say. Your first question about my name. I was given the name by the office of his Holiness the Dalai Lama as this is where I studied Tibetan Buddhism with my teacher who was living in Namgyal Monastery in the grounds of the Dalai Lama’s home at the time. I lived in India for quite some time after leaving my 25 years plus job as a social worker. I was born in the west, I am British. I completely understand what you are saying about being told something is fact. Actually his Holiness the Dalai Lama has said quite clearly, That we should not believe anything we are taught, no matter who it is taught by until we’ve actually gone away and experienced it for ourselves. If it works fine great, if it doesn’t work for us then simply ignore it and get on with our lives. However his Holiness also says that if Tibetan Buddhist Science can be disproven unequivocally then it must change.
Personally I believe you did the right thing leaving Tibetan Buddhism in terms of being an avid follower if your beliefs are different. For me it’s much deeper than that, because I’m a little bit like you – quite stubborn in the way that I think, however I also try where possible – which I’m sure you did, to be open-minded and to view things from the other perspective.
In my case with Tibetan Buddhism, I have often found the other perspective fits better than my own when I’ve explored it a little deeper.
I understand also what you are saying about some creatures being thought not to have spirits. What I do understand from having been a Buddhist for many years, is that we have a very different consciousness from animals.
I’m not trying to convince you of this,please don’t get me wrong, but if I could explain. Animals eat to fulfil a desire, that desire being hunger. They will hunt their prey, without a thought for the pain they are causing it. They will rip it to pieces, get covered in its blood, then quite peacefully curl up after eating and sleep well until the next time, when they do the same thing.
Animals have no concept of right or wrong, good and bad. They only act on instinct when they are hungry they kill to eat. Humans on the other hand have a consciousness of what’s right and wrong, good and bad. Most humans unless there is some kind of imbalance, don’t intentionally hurt others because they know there’ll be consequences. Also, we know as humans that if we hurt another person, it’s going to cause a level of suffering, not just to them but to their families and loved ones, so most of the time we don’t behave this way.
Of course in extreme circumstances where people are starving to death they will eat human flesh, but it isn’t something they would put as a priority – unless as I say, something is physiologically wrong.
So the difference between humans and animals I believe, is consciousness and how that consciousness has developed through karmic lifetimes.
You also mention how others profess to know us better than we do.
This is really interesting because from a personal perspective, I don’t think I ever really got to know myself until I became a Buddhist or at least took refuge as a Tibetan Buddhist. What I mean by this, is prior to Buddhism I spent my time working all the hours God sent to save up for retirement. My plan was to go and live abroad with my husband, that’s all I really wanted, so I saved and saved for this time and it was going really well.
I didn’t feel too healthy to be honest, but the money was coming in and then my husband got murdered. Suddenly when this happened, and all the plans changed, my priorites also changed. I realised that the time I should’ve been spending with him, had mostly been spent at work saving for something we would now never get to do together. So I started to look inside myself at who I really was and what I really wanted. That’s what took me off to India and then the rest is history. It’s really nice to share different perspectives and I really enjoyed reading your piece. Thanks for responding and it’s great to have a conversation Best wishes Tenzin
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I would say life works in weird ways, but I am not a determinist. Chaos presents us with opportunities, and the choice we make determines what we get out of those opportunities. I am sorry you had to live through the experience of your husband being murdered, but that opened a doorway to Buddhism that may never have existed otherwise, or at the least, you may not have walked through it even if it was there. I know this can sound cruel and heartless, but it is not intended that way. If I had not divorced my wife, I would probably not be where I am today. I loved her, and still do, but our time together had reached an end. She is better off without me. I am a different, hopefully better, person away from her.
Enough of the maudlin.
If you so desire we can have a conversation about consciousness some day, but I warn you, friendly-like, that I can be pretty persuasive, even when I an not intending to be, lol.
I do try to be open-minded, but some things are just beyond question, for me. If something will make me a better person, or give me better understanding, I am all ears. But if someone tells me I have to devolve in order to become like them, then my heels dig themselves in. For me, life is about what I call progress, spiritual progress–spiritual evolution. Just a few days ago I was called a dickhead for thinking there is spirit, and an even worse dickhead to believe spirits evolve.
But, enough of this too.
Till next time, adieu.
Jerry
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Hi there
It’s a pleasure reading your posts. Yes we all believe what we want to believe, and we take our experiences from the world around us.
It wouldn’t make sense if we all felt the same about situations.
It’s very interesting to hear about your separation and how it has affected you for the better.
In the situation regarding my husband’s murder, it was Buddhism that led me to forgiving his killer. We met we talked and I forgave him. From this, I walked away a free woman. Free from the grief, pain, anger and the need for revenge. We made our peace and I wish him no harm. Some might say forgiveness is not necessary. In many ways I would agree, but I have met many people who didn’t find forgiveness – I really don’t envy the majority of them.
I too have been ridiculed in certain ways for taking this action but I did it anyway because I feel it’s the right thing to do in fact I know it is. Forgiveness frees the spirit From so many negative forces and emotions. That’s my belief anyway but I’m sure there are many others.
Thank you once again Tenzin
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I learned long ago that I cannot even change my siblings nor even my lover. I observe what goes on around me and reflect upon it. Sometimes I blog about it. If someone finds a valuable nugget in my ponderings, that’s great, but I don’t expect them to be profoundly moved.
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