TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE ULTIMATE IMPASSE

Hello Friends, It’s been awhile, which if I was a Canadian I might spend the next half-hour apologizing for, but while I was born and still live in Canada, I am a Child of the Universe, and for so-being I will not apologize for putting certain other activities ahead of this blog.

Also, I am going to start at the end of a conversation that took place today between myself, a spiritual atheist, and my friend named Peter who is a confirmed Deist. To make things even weirder, Peter is my mechanic, and I am his supplier of almost-free-of-THC medical marijuana. Sometimes when we meet to do business, we get into discussions between his religion and my philosophy.

Weirdest of all is that I am finding it necessary to start this blog, my first in what seems like months, with Peter’s and mine final sentences before saying “Good-bye,” for the afternoon. He, the deist, said to me, “Knowing that life exists proves to me [Peter] that God exists.” I on the other hand, restate my final declaration: “Knowing that Life exists allows me the freedom to think for myself, which tells me that no living being exists that can call itself God, or that we can call god.”

We are at that ultimate impasse where the person who was brought up to believe in a god-creator cannot see life without a god-creator. Meanwhile, though I was brought up to believe there was a god, creator or not, I learned to reject everything that was taught to me as a belief, and go with what I find within myself. There is no room for a god within me. There is only room for life. And life is eternal… And life is forever changing… Peter’s god is never-changing….

And yet we are so close together in thought it almost scares me. But he cannot make the leap from being a mostly-free-thinker to being a totally free thinker, whereas being a totally free thinker gives me the power to believe only that which I can find inside me, inside my mind, inside my spirit. This is like being in that proverbial place between a rock and a hard place–for both of us. Yet I cannot go back to believing in a god, nor do I want to, while he, Peter, cannot take that final step that makes him completely free.

The question, therefore, becomes does one of us need to change in order to co-exist, or is it sufficiently acceptable for both of us to accept the other as he is and allow life to go on, each of us in our own way. My gut tells me I can go on, because that is part of who I am. Accept everyone for who they are at this time, knowing they cannot escape the inescapable, when the time is right to move on, Peter will make that final step to totally free thinking and realize god cannot exist, and I for my turn will continue to search for what comes after accepting atheism as reality. This, I believe, is what upsets me so much about people who declare themselves atheists yet spend all their time still denying the existence of god. I see them as stuck, unable to move on, even when that too must change when it is time to make the change. I think I must be angry at myself, frustrated with myself for not being able to envision what comes next. Becoming atheist cannot be the be-all and end-all of life. Humanity is too inquisitive to allow that to be the ultimate goal. It contradicts my third condition of life, that need to keep on evolving. There was once a time I was satisfied having freed myself from the control of others, from taking complete responsibility for who and what I am and do. I am no longer satisfied with that position. I needed a rest after getting there, but now it is time to move again. But where?

But where?

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Author: rawgod

Still a Hippie, and proud of it. Have my BSW, now retired. Would have preferred to be a Dr. of Philosophy, but the university I went to wouldn't let me study my own philosophy. Your gain, their loss. I live on the edge of society with my partner, four cats, two kittens, a broodmare, and a two year-old filly who might make her racing debut this coming summer or fall. Remember the name, Tricksy T Clanton.

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